


In Light of Things to Come

by KGWiggy



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: F/M, Long Distance Relationship, M/M, Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:16:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KGWiggy/pseuds/KGWiggy
Summary: Gansey made the wish thinking of the future, but for Cabeswater, all times are the same time.





	1. Flame and Failure

“What the hell, Sargent!” Ronan groaned as the tiny female elbowed him in the ribs in a mad rush to escape the pile of bodies on the floor. 

Adam responded with his own curse as Blue’s foot skipped off his thigh. There was the sound of hurried feet across the floor followed by the whoosh-thud of a hollow door slamming shut. The echo of pain hung in the sudden vacuum of sound as Ronan and Adam blinked blearily awake, their minds trying to catch up to the tornado that had just attacked their peaceful slumber. Dawn cracked through the living room blinds, casting bent bars of light and shadow across the large pile of blankets and pillows they rested amongst.

Last night, they’d nested among every blanket and pillow available tossed unceremoniously on the living room floor. Blue insisted she didn’t want to take the only bed in the tiny apartment,despite it being her own bed, and that the three males visiting could fight over it or share it; she didn’t care. 

Adam put the pieces together first. When he and Ronan had arrived late Friday night, they’d found her sacked out on the leather sofa. It was strange to Adam because she wasn’t expecting any of them until Saturday, and the bed seemed untouched in the way that Noah’s bed had always seemed untouched. It hadn’t mattered Friday night, when they were all buzzed from being near each other again and too busy catching up to sleep. Settled on the floor with everyone else Saturday night, though, he’d nudged Blue about it. It took almost no prodding. The way she immediately relaxed with the press of bodies around her: she admitted that she hadn’t been able to sleep in the bed since Gansey left. 

“With all of you here, I feel like I can breathe again.” She confessed before ranting about how it was a good thing Gansey went off on his own or she’d have forgotten what independence felt like. It sounded a lot more like she was failing to convince herself that she was not lonely than an actual desire for self-sufficient freedom. So they had crowded her personal space, drunk as they were, and tickled and played until she fell asleep basking in their nearness.

“Blue?” Adam called out, “You alright?”

The sound of retching answered the question, bringing the two men to immediate attention.

“I’m fine.” A clipped, tired, pathetic response followed by yet more retching noise. After sharing equally confused expressions, Ronan and Adam jumped up.

“Fine my ass, maggot.” Ronan grumbled, throwing open the bathroom door. Blue hunched by the toilet, looking small and incredibly pale in one of Gansey’s unaltered violently yellow sweaters.  
“Thought you knew how to hold your liquor, runt.” he accused, but the bite in his words was actually a joke.

As the innkeeper for their post-midterms extended weekend reunion, Blue was also their designated driver, as she was most familiar with the area surrounding her choice of college. They rotated each quarter. There was a glint of laughter in her eyes before she turned and gave into the nausea again. Ronan smoothed a hand over her brow, pulling back the stray bits of hair that clung to her face. No fever he noticed with some relief, remembering how sick Matthew had gotten once. He turned to search out Adam.

Adam was just returning to the bathroom with a glass of water from the kitchen. “Food poisoning?” Adam asked, waiting to extend the glass of water until Blue seemed finished. He watched her carefully, looking for clues to her ailment so he would know how to fix it.

“I’m fine.” Blue growled irritably, accepting the glass of water with a murmur of thanks. She rinsed the bile out her mouth three times before sipping at the remaining water. Adam’s eyes narrowed at her, assessing, while Ronan ranted at how puking guts up was not typically a symptom of fineness. 

“Is this what ruined your civics midterm yesterday?” Adam asked gently. Blue had not wanted to explain the details of why her midterms had ended in a glorious explosion of flame and failure- Henry’s description, not hers- and they had not pressed the issue. He noticed what little color that had returned to Blue leached away at the reminder of her midterm disaster and felt bad for bringing it back up.

Their only mission this weekend had been to provide a pining Blue with any distractions necessary to make the absence of Gansey bearable. Eight weeks ago, Gansey and Blue, inseparable for almost three years, had parted ways temporarily so Gansey could intern for a year at an archaeology site in Iceland while Blue continued her research commitments stateside. Sensible Blue did not seem overly destroyed by this parting, at least not openly, though the signs were there if you knew what signs to look for. The apartment she shared with Gansey sported a growing chandelier of shredded colored plastic bottles that looked remarkably like Chihuly glasswork. The half of Gansey’s closet that remained behind had been claimed by Blue and her sewing machine and consequently given second life through Blue’s eccentric fashion sense. Mint plants thrived in each and every nook and crannie in the tiny, dubiously historic flat, definitely numbering more than the two Gansey had left behind and Blue would happily tell you the name of each one- not a scientific name of varied species, but rather pet names she’d dubbed them out of loneliness or boredom. 

Most notably, though, was that Blue physically clung to each of the boys. She’d always pressed close to one or more of them, but after she and Gansey were official, it’d centered on him. Without that gravitational pull, Blue polarized to the nearest comforting presence. It wasn’t that she seemed lacking when they arrived, but it was clear that their constant contact was invigorating her spirit somehow, more so than each other.

Blue answered Adam’s question with a look that said ‘I don’t want to talk about it,’ but confirmed Adam’s deduction. Yes, she’d gotten violently ill during a midterm and had been unable to finish the test. She would face the consequences Monday and not a minute sooner. She grabbed her toothbrush and tried to shove the boys out of the bathroom.

Unmoved and undeterred Adam, pressed “Does Gansey know you’ve been sick?” Gansey hadn’t mentioned it when last he’d called to confirm their safe arrival at the apartment Friday. It seemed like something Gansey would want them aware of if he’d known, since he’d specifically asked if any of their group could make it out earlier than originally planned. Something had triggered Gansey’s concern for Blue, but Gansey didn’t seem quite sure of what that was himself.

Blue whipped Adam with a hot glare, her voice sharp, everything about her suddenly pointed or bladed. “I don’t have to report every little detail to Dick Gansey the Third. I’m not something he owns. I am perfectly capable without a man here to make sure I’m breathing!”

“Fucking chill, maggot. This is Parrish, not some misogynist bastard in a suit trying to enslave you to spare his ego.” Ronan growled. Adam just calmly held Blue’s acidic glower until she took a breath and released the fire that had so quickly consumed her. So this was secret from Gansey; Adam filed this knowledge away, fitting it together with other pieces of information he’d gathered. He felt closer to that moment of knowing.

“It doesn’t matter. He’s a world away.” Blue’s voice pitched strangely on the words and she blinked furiously. She was dangerously close to crying. She turned on the tap to wet her toothbrush then turned it off again to conserve water. “If he knew, what would he do? It’s not like he can show up tomorrow to do anything. He’d just worry, like you idiots.” Ronan and Adam both gave her looks through the mirror that said they felt entirely justified in their worry. There really wasn’t anything they could do. “Are you two going to let me clean up in privacy or do I need to charge you for the show?”

“Are you going to pass out or something if we leave you unsupervised?” Ronan grumbled. Adam looked even less likely to budge.

“I’m fine.” Blue stressed. “Out.” Blue watched Ronan and Adam exchange an entire conversation through eye contact alone. “Please.” She did not like how much it sounded like begging.

Finally Ronan huffed a “whatever, Maggot,” then turned to leave her be.

“Shout if you need anything,” Adam said, his Henrietta accent thick as honey. “We’ll check on you if you take too long.” He promised before closing the door behind him.

“Thank you.” Blue sighed, grateful for whatever magic had worked to call off the stubborn concern of her friends, if only temporarily. Rather than luxuriating in a bathroom she didn’t have to fight a war to get ready in, Blue hastily showered then scrambled for apparel, starting with necessities. Adam was not lying about them checking on her if she took too long, and who knew how long was too long when Ronan was judging.

“Blue,” a knock sounded on the bedroom door followed by Henry’s impeccably groomed head of hair peeking in on her as she shimmied into a comfortable pair of faded gray and white crochet lace leggings. Blue felt irritated at Henry’s general good cheer and good hair, hers still a damp, unimpressive mess under a fraying purple towel. “I brought breakfast.” Henry said as a peace offering, stepping fully into the room. “Though it sounds like you might not be interested.”

After spending a summer hiking across the continental United States and the rest of a year backpacking across the better part of the world together, Blue’s partial nudity did not particularly bother Henry, nor did his presence while she was less than decent bother her. They were respectful of each other’s boundaries and experienced in navigating past them when times called for it. It wasn’t a hostel in Budapest, but the circumstances today allowed it all the same. The thought of Adam or Ronan checking up on her was infinitely more embarrassing, and she couldn’t reason the why of it other than lack of precedence.

“Thank you, Henry.” Blue sighed, genuinely happy the boys wouldn’t be trying to cook in her kitchen. “You didn’t happen to set a kettle on did you?” She threw on another Gansey sweater, this one a saturated navy with a salmon button up sewn just under the bust to create a long tunic or a short dress.

“I think Adam did.” Henry said helpfully. He complimented her handiwork on refashioning the sweater and pants. “Ready for story time, then?”

Blue scrubbed a hand through her damp hair, avoided the mirror, and sighed at the door. “No.” She said sourly. “No point dragging this out, though.” Her stomach gave a nervous turn, an entirely different sensation than the one that lead her to vomiting. She thought hiding in the bathroom might be easier than ‘story time’ under the too-knowing stares of her closest friends. They were the wrong audience for this story, she thought, but the right one was a useless five time zones away. ‘You need to face this.’ the sensible part of her brain urged her. 

“It can’t be that bad, commander.” Henry tried to cheer her up by using optimism and a variation of status in place of calling her Sargent. Blue gave him a ‘yes it can be’ nod. “Well then let’s rip the bandaid off and see what we’re really dealing with.” Henry grabbed her hand and led her the five steps into the kitchen.

“Feeling better?” Adam asked, hopefully, turning in Ronan’s arms to better examine her. Ronan did not move from his perch on the counter, nor did he soften his scowl.

Blue answered with a shrug and said nothing. She bought herself time by grabbing her mug and a blend of spiced orange ginger tea sent to her from Fox Way. It didn’t surprise her that at least one of the women from her childhood home, if not all of them, knew she’d needed something warm, energy-inspiring, and stomach-calming. It did surprise her that the tea was in fact palatable. The kettle screamed and she swiped it off the stovetop, turning off the burner as she did. Focusing her attention on pouring, she very carefully did not look at the boys. She took a deep breath and the words tumbled out of her before she could hold onto them properly. “So, I think I might be pregnant.” There was a beat of silence then a colorful cacophony of exclamation.

“Get the fuck out! For real?”  
“You don’t know?”  
“That’s awesome!”

Blue put on her waitress smile and turned to face her friends. They were excited for her so she felt she owed them a happy face. ‘Customer service smile’ was the best she could do at the moment. Henry was already hugging her, issuing congratulations and gushing about a royal heir. Ronan was eyeing her like he could determine by sight alone the answers to whatever questions burned behind his too-bright eyes. Adam locked his gaze on hers, his expression one of concern. “Blue, you don’t know?” He prodded quietly.

Blue’s smile slipped. “I don”t.” She stumbled on the words. Gansey of course had vested interest in her choice of birth control, but sharing these details with their friends seemed a bit inappropriately intimate. She pushed past that. They were more than just friends, all of them. They were a family as much as her Fox Way family. “I had an IUD put in before the big road trip. I’m not supposed to able to get pregnant until I have a doctor take it out. They don’t just stop working or fall out. It’s a whole medical procedure. I-” She stopped there. “I don’t really know what to think, but…” It hit her like a freight train. She didn’t know what would be worse- being pregnant or not being pregnant and still having missed her last two periods. Regardless, something was terribly wrong with her.

“You haven’t taken a test? Seen a doctor? How long have you been having symptoms? Gansey’s been gone two months already!” Adam exploded. His anger filled the close space of the tiny kitchen. “Blue, this isn’t something to just ignore and hope it goes away!”

Blue said nothing in the face of Adam’s sudden temper. He was, of course, right. She spent her energy promising herself she wouldn’t cry. She felt ashamed for avoiding this and equally overwhelmed by all the implications. Adding to that how this must look to Adam who had grown up unloved by even his parents. To him this must look an awful lot like what he imagined may have been the start of his own existence.

“Don’t start with her.” Ronan growled at Adam, surprising Blue by taking a protective stance in front of her. “She isn’t them. They are not them.” He had gripped Adam’s arms hard, and for a long moment all Blue could think about was the impossibly loud crash of Adam’s rage in the miniscule St. Agnes apartment. This silent duel of wills was infinitely more arresting. Finally, Adam shoved out of Ronan’s grip, away from Blue. 

“I’m going for a walk.” He stalked to the hooks by the door and grabbed a coat before shrugging into it. 

Ronan watched Adam like a nervous predator until the door shut behind him. Then he turned around and hugged Blue fiercely. “I’ll go knock some sense into him. Maybe help him destroy some public property.” He promised. And then he too, was leaving, the door banging shut behind him.

She looked at Henry who shrugged amiably. “You should probably eat something” He said like nothing at all had just happened.

Blue let out a long breath and with it, most of the tension that had held her trapped. “What did you bring?”

“Only the best!” Henry boasted revealing a box of pastries from a popular bakery ten minutes away. 

Blue smiled wanly, feeling wrung out. She still couldn’t quite process what it all meant, the idea of a baby too huge to wrap her brain around. Sugar would help Henry seemed to promise and that was enough for now. Henry at least waited for her to start nibbling a danish before he started in with the expected questions. Blue had no answers to give, so he promptly searched the internet and got to work helping Blue piece together the likely answers.

***  
Ronan caught up to Adam in the stairwell where Adam paced like a caged animal. It was unusual to see Adam worked up like this. Rather than filling the tense space with words, Ronan threw his keys at Adam’s chest and continued down the stairs. It wasn’t the only thing that could take the heat out of that all-consuming rage, but the roar of an engine could only help, he figured. Adam reflexively caught the keys. It took a moment for his brain to catch up and realize what Ronan had tossed at him, but the second he realized, Adam chased Ronan to the parking lot. 

It took twenty minutes to reach the freeway. Ronan wanted to slam Adam’s foot to the gas pedal but he settled for turning the radio up as loud as he could, the techno bass thumping a new heartbeat in their chests. Ronan wasn’t surprised when they pulled into a convenience pharmacy parking lot.

Adam turned off the engine (and consequently the radio) and stared at the wheel in silence.

Ronan put a hand on his shoulder, gripping him tightly. “Blue and Gansey won’t be like your parents, Adam. This kid has us, too.” 

“It’s not that.” Adam admitted quietly, though he supposed it might have sounded that way when he’d lost his temper. “I just thought-” He choked on the words then forced himself to say them anyways. “What if something happened to her?”  
Adam released his breath in a long frustrated rumble. He didn’t know what to do with hands. He wanted to hit something-someone. “She’s scared to tell Gansey.” Adam said quietly, putting the pieces out there for Ronan to see the way he did. Adam could remember like it was yesterday, asking her about why she wouldn’t kiss him. “Did something happen to you?” To Ronan he asked “Who has she had looking out for her since he left? It’s not like any of us have been here.”

Ronan took a long moment just staring at Adam’s lost and guilty expression before closing the distance with a hard embrace. A long stream of obsidian poetry flooded out, sharp and jagged as broken glass. Adam liked that something could articulate how dark and shredded he felt at the thought of anyone hurting Blue. “Idiot.” Ronan scolded, but the effect was endearing paired with the solid reassuring press of lips against lips. “Nothing happened. And if it did, you’re not her keeper, Parrish.” Ronan reminded Adam quietly when they separated, keeping their foreheads pressed together. “Not even Gansey is Blue’s keeper.”

Adam wanted to argue but even he didn’t have words to stand against Ronan’s unerring truth. It did not quiet the voice inside Adam that whispered ‘what if’. Adam felt like he better understood Gansey’s desire to keep all his people close. It was easier to protect and tend a flock that wasn’t spread across all of creation. Adam realised with a little fear and awe that he had something he wanted to protect now, and not just a place to run away from. 

Seeing Adam unconvinced, Ronan grabbed Adam’s hand and shoved it so the long scar across the back of it was prominent in Adam’s view. “She’s not some quiet mousey little girl. She’d fuck up anyone who looks at her funny. Nothing happened.”

“It’s a lot different cutting someone who’s catatonic and someone who’s actively grappling.” Adam argued, snatching his hand back. Ronan had a point though. It was easy to forget that despite her size, Blue was more than just hot words demanding inherent human respect. She was clever and smart and listened to her instincts. She wouldn’t be caught vulnerable to begin with and if she was, then she was resourceful. And if that didn’t work, she’d get whatever evidence she needed to nail the bastard. 

“Her pseudo-step-dad-whatever is a former-professional hit-man. We’d be out here burying a body if something happened, not wondering if it had.” Ronan scoffed.

This was another legitimate point. While Mr. Gray had slipped quietly from Henrietta and the lives therein entwined, it was clear from some of the not-so-random anonymous gifts sent to Fox Way that he was keeping tabs on the people he’d somehow decided to protect- namely Maura and Blue.

“Not to mention the rest of her freaky coven of a family.” Ronan continued. “I bet you Calla would string up and torture any man that thought something dirty about Blue before he’d ever get close enough to try hurting her.”

“Ok.” Adam relented. “I get it. I’m being paranoid.”

Ronan smirked. “I think you’re a little cute when you’re paranoid.” 

Adam felt his ears turn pink at Ronan’s teasing compliment. “Bully.” He countered, then stole a kiss that didn’t let up for quite some time. Blue was not the only one starving for romantic attention while dealing with a long distance situation with her partner.

They broke apart when some asshole homophobe banged on the roof of the BMW and spewed hatred at their PDA. Ronan retaliated with a prominently displayed middle finger and a truly debauch kiss to Adam that ended in their shared laughter as the angry stranger prowled off elsewhere.

“Let’s go get some proof of pending parenthood for our resident idiot romantics.” Adam suggested, feeling much more lighthearted about the whole situation.

Ronan’s smile cut his face with excited exaggeration. “They better make us godparents.”  
***  
Gansey was working his way through the catalogue of relics already unearthed from the site location he’d decided to build his project around when his phone trilled. He instantly thought of his friends and Blue at their apartment and hoped the lack of contact from them this weekend was a sign that things were going well. 

Friday morning (afternoon for him) Blue had called in a panic because she’d failed to complete her civics midterm. He couldn’t get more detail than that. Instead he focused on helping her calm down so she could at least sit her last test. This kind of anxiety was rare and unexpected from Blue. Intuition told him there was more to this, but that could wait. Blue needed to be functional more than he needed to know how to fix the big picture just yet. When she’d hung up to start her last exam, Gansey had gotten to work trying to get any of their friends out there asap. They were already planning on getting together, Blue just needed it to happen now instead of tomorrow.

Ronan and Adam set out right away. Since they were driving, it was no problem to leave Chainsaw and Opal with Declan and Matthew at the barns a few hours earlier than originally planned. Henry still had to adhere to flight schedules. Adam had sent him a text confirming their safe arrival and Blue’s feigned irritation at his meddling in everyone’s plans on her behalf. Gansey was not the least bit penitent. His Saturday was peppered with clips from Henry displaying the group in various arrays of good-natured foolery. It warmed him to see them all happy, enough that he thought he could focus on the work that kept him almost three thousand miles away from them all.

He opened his phone to find a text from Henry: Call Blue when you get a minute. It chirped again. This one said: Make sure you’re sitting down.

Gansey had no idea what to make of that. It sounded ominous and something made him think about the texts telling him that Ronan had destroyed the Pig. He didn’t understand the correlation to that thought either so he braced himself as best he could for whatever was coming. Half of him expected this to be an elaborate prank. He’d call and the murder squash song would answer to his horror. Ronan still endlessly enjoyed torturing them all with it randomly.

***  
Gansey’s ringtone shrilled from her cell phone sitting innocently on its charging dock. Ronan lunged for it. Blue tried to trip him but only managed to unbalance herself. Thankfully, Adam steadied her over trying to tackle Ronan, who triumphantly snatched the phone. “Your girl is knocked up, shitbag!” Ronan announced gleefully without preamble. 

He was lucky Adam had her restrained because Blue wanted to shove Ronan’s balls down his throat. “You asshole, Ronan!” She lurched in Adam’s arms, scrabbling for Ronan. “Give me my phone! This isn’t a fucking joke!”

His fun done, Ronan tossed the phone at Henry, staying out of Blue’s flailing range. “I told him to call.” Henry admitted, handing the phone over to Blue who was still spitting fire. Glaring at Ronan he added “but I didn’t say why.” 

She snatched the phone to her ear as Adam released her to go slap Ronan upside the head. “You are such a dick!” She heard Adam start before she scurried to the bedroom for privacy. The phone was silent now.

“Gansey?” She breathed, her breath trapped inside her throat. This was not how this was supposed to go, she thought, Ronan’s crass words echoing inside her.

“Jane!” Gansey’s voice sounded relieved. “Tell me Ronan’s lying.” He said very quietly.

Blue swallowed, searching for words. “It’s Ronan.” She didn’t know what else to say. Silence stretched between them, a yawning abyss of nothing, filled only with the pounding of Blue’s heart in her ears. Unshed tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She whispered at last, finding no other words.

“No!” Gansey spat. “Jesus, no! Blue don’t apologise for this. If anything it is my-”

“Do. Not.” Blue bit darkly, cutting off Gansey’s self-recrimination.

“No, no. This isn’t that.” Gansey dismissed. “I really do think I’m responsible. You shouldn’t be able to but I think…” there was a hesitant pause. “Blue, there is a distinct possibility that I wished for this.” He said the word ‘wished’ with a hushed forcefulness that made Blue think of the cave of bones and Gansey’s command. Wished as in brought intention to life through the strange power granted by his rebirth through Cabeswater. “I promised you that night…” Gansey continued reminding her of their last night together in a bed she couldn’t sleep in without him. Gansey had spun a life for them in gilded words that glittered with the stars in her heart. A happily ever after story where they built a family and tended a magical forest, sharing life and love and dreams in Henrietta. Had he spun some kind of magic with his promise that night? Had he been clinging to it these past two months as desperately as she?

“Don’t be sorry.” Blue said with quiet wonder that Gansey, her Gansey, spoke miracles into being. His promise that night was the most beautiful dream she’d ever had, and if that dream was now alive inside her, she couldn’t imagine regret or sorrow with it. Not when this created eternity between them. She didn’t try to stop the tears dripping down her face. “Gansey” his name was awe spilling from her lips. “We’re going to have a baby.” She’d skirted the truth, avoided it outright for weeks. 

When Adam and Ronan had returned with a box of three pregnancy tests for her, she knew they wouldn’t leave until they had definitive answers. At least Adam didn’t seem angry at all anymore. Ronan and Adam were especially good for each other like that. 

The test had been positive. She hadn’t wanted to process this. Shocked to her core (though she felt she shouldn’t have been- she’d suspected this) she had let the others talk at her and herd her to the kitchen and talk at her some more. Gansey’s ringtone had snapped her out of it. 

Now that she’d said it, and to him, certainty and excitement bubbled within her. This was right in the same way falling in with the Raven Boys had been right those handful of years ago.

“I love you, Blue.” Gansey’s voice held the same awe of her that she held for him.

“I love you, too.” 

“A baby.” Gansey breathed and she could tell he was trying to digest the enormity of it. “When? When do I need to be home? Do you already have a doctor? Have you been sick? Can you feel the baby yet?” A thousand questions came pouring out and Blue laughed with the relief of it, the relief of Gansey’s interest and his need to take charge, of knowing she was not alone.

“Just a minute, just a minute.” She interrupted. “Everyone’s here and I think you all have the same questions. Can I just put you on speaker so we only have to do this once today?”

“Of course!” Gansey said, and she could tell he was happy they were with her, with them. “We need to punish Ronan for breaking the news that way. I’m pretty sure I have gray hair now thanks to him.”

“Oh, Adam is raising hell with him. Nothing we do will compare to Adam’s displeasure.” Blue promised, jumping for the door. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t fuck with him anyways.” She flung open the door. Ronan was busy ignoring the annoyed and angry lectures of Adam and Henry. “I want to put Gansey on speaker.” She announced. “Adam and Henry are invited. Ronan-” She barked, honing her glare on him, “is not.”

“Oh please, maggot.” Ronan scoffed. “Like you were going to say anything to him for another two months. I spared you both the agony of breaking the news. Look at you- from miserable anxious mess to happy glowing mommy-to-be in what, twenty minutes? I did you a favor.”

Blue bared her teeth at him. “I didn’t ask for your favors.”

Ronan snorted. “Consider it a gift,” he sneered. He said loud enough for the phone to catch his voice, “Congrats man! Don’t screw it up.”

“Ronan,” Gansey’s voice cut across the room via the speaker phone. “I expect better from you.”  
This seemed to cow Ronan. His self-satisfied smirk shrank. “Adam, Henry?”

“Hey Gansey!” Adam greeted in his Henrietta drawl.

“Cheers to the happy couple!” Henry chimed.

Gansey thanked them politely, a sign he was definitely rattled by the news. He made certain everyone was comfortable for an extended conversation, then launched his questions again. Blue settled on the couch between Adam and Henry while Ronan brooded on the windowsill. Blue explained that she’d only just confirmed with a pregnancy test an hour ago and that according to Henry and the internet, they could expect the baby around the end of May. Other than worsening nausea she hadn’t really had any negative experiences. Gansey asked if she wanted him to ask Helen for recommended physicians, then realized they needed to discuss when and how to tell their families.

“I think my mom already knows.” Blue said. “They sent me tea that really helps.”

“Right. Psychics.” Gansey said. “Well Helen would know about physicians. She has three friends a month having babies it seems. If you want me to ask, I will. If you’re uncomfortable with that, I won’t say a word. I do think we should announce to my parents in person, though.”

“When will you be home, Gansey?” Adam asked.

Not soon enough, thought Blue, aching to have Gansey hold her. Instead, she leaned into Henry and Adam, dreading their nearing departures. They had brought color back to her gray-toned world this weekend and she wasn’t ready to say goodbye again.

“I’ll see what arrangements I can make with my counselor. I have holiday time for Christmas. I’ll fly in for a visit sooner. Please do not argue about costs for this Blue. I’ll fly home every weekend if you’d just let me.”  
Gansey had cut Blue off mid-protest, a sure sign this had been argument oft repeated. She harrumphed her displeasure. “It’s not like we’ll need that money for something else important like baby supplies or a bigger apartment or-”

“Henry talk some sense into her, please!” Gansey begged, cutting Blue off again. “I’m going to be there, Blue. It is stupid we’re apart without the baby. I don’t know why I agreed to do it. We’re both miserable. I’ll call off the whole thing and-”

This time Blue cut off Gansey. “That internship is exactly what you wanted. Don’t try to say you didn’t. And we’re fine. It’s not forever. We’re grown ups. We can handle it.” Blue argued though her heart said ‘no we’re not fine’ and ‘it feels like forever’ and ‘we’ll never be grown ups not really’ and ‘we are not handling this very well at all’.

Henry’s phone alarm interrupted before the argument could gain anymore momentum. “Sorry kiddos, that sound means I’ve got a plane to catch.”

And just like that it was time to say goodbye again weather Blue was ready or not. They finished their call with Gansey- even Ronan said goodbye. Then they gathered duffle bags and personal belongings and crowded at the door for hugs and well wishes. Everyone promised to call again. It would be the Barns for Thanksgiving. Blue cried when the door closed behind them, an ugly broken sound at once again being left alone.

‘I’m not alone, though’ she thought, pressing a hand over her still small but growing womb. ‘It’s not just me, now.’


	2. Chapter 2

“I’m just-

“Mr. Gansey, it is not my job to haggle my expectations with you. You of course may do as you wish. I have made myself clear. There is nothing left to discus.”

Gansey didn’t quite know what to do when his professor cut him off in such concrete terms. He had never had a problem reaching out to his teachers and meeting them on their own level. Excepting, of course, now. In lieu of spilling the frustrated vitriol budding on his usually-silver tongue, Gansey swallowed air and simply hung up on his professor. 

He flopped back on his mattress, hoping the harsh movement would knock loose some of his irritation. Morosely, he thought this entire semester would be an unmitigated disaster if not for the fact that daily he got to explore the shattered remains of a very rich Icelandic history. Even that failed to keep his interest long anymore. He had felt it from the day he’d boarded the plane to Iceland, the wrongness of his direction. He ignored that feeling, pushed it aside to build a glowing resume, to be responsible, to follow through with his commitments as any Gansey would.

The wrongness did not dissipate. Instead it festered. For two months, Gansey rationalized away the unease that threatened his comfort and drove him to distraction. Talking to Blue, as always, quieted the too-frantic parts of himself. Ending those calls tugged apart his fraying sanity further. Then he’d found out why. Somehow, he’d known all along that he was leaving behind something far more important to him than the positive references he thought to build around the world. 

For two weeks now, he’d been trying to negotiate a leave-of-absence, an early release from his obligations in this program, a way to save face. Dr. Landow refused to give an inch. Going above his tenured professor proved impossible. The administration held no leash they were willing to tug tethered to the callous man who decided Gansey’s standing in the historical anthropology program. Pride and scorn kept Dr. Landow from appreciating what Gansey’s influence could do for him; honor and respect kept Gansey from showing Dr. Landow what that influence could do to him. Gansey consciously allowed himself to stew in a morass of self-pity.

His phone chirped at him, some exotic bird call recorded on their trip to Venezuela, alerting him of a new message from “Jane”. He swiped open their conversation hopefully. Instead of a reassuring text, Gansey found a sound recording. Curious, he played it immediately. A rapid whoosh beat through a sea of static for a handful of seconds. Gansey felt his breath catch in his lungs. Almost entirely frozen, he listened again. Another chirp announced the arrival of a second message from Blue: “Baby’s heartbeat”

He played the sound bite again, forcing himself to breathe through the overwhelming emotion suddenly drowning him. His fingers found the button to call Blue. She answered immediately. “Did you hear it?” He felt himself grinning at the sound of her excitement. 

“Blue-” words failed him.

She laughed, the sound a soft sort of hysteria. “I know.” Gansey did not doubt that she understood exactly what he could not verbally express. Without his asking, she began filling him in on the highlights of her first prenatal appointment from her working due date (late May as they’d already figured) to how good she felt about her rapport with the nurse midwife practitioner. “There’s some lab work to wait on, but as far as she could tell, we have nothing to be concerned over right now. Other than, you know, that we’re having a baby.” 

“I’m glad to hear it.” Gansey said earnestly. “I’ll be flying in late Wednesday. Helen wants to take the chopper to avoid holiday traffic. Is it safe for you to fly right now?”

“Safe as life.” Blue responded. “You do not get to turn into an overbearing caveman prison guard. I can do everything I did two weeks ago, just like I could do two months ago.”

“I didn’t say you couldn’t, Jane.” Gansey responded diplomatically. “You always know your limits; I on the other hand do not. Thank you for sharing.”

“Don’t Richard Gansey at me, Dick.” Blue grumbled but not angrily. “Anyway, I’ve got a meeting for a group project in ten. I will talk to you tomorrow. And I will be there waiting at the airport when you get here Wednesday.”

Gansey promised his love and his impatience for their reunion before letting Blue return to her life on the other side of the Atlantic ocean. In the silence of their ended call, Gansey felt the strange pull of time, not unlike vertigo. He played “Baby’s heartbeat” again and realized it wasn’t time making him feel disoriented. It was space. With complete surety, Gansey knew where he wanted to be, without a shred of wanderlust to tug him elsewhere or elsewhen. He was still frustrated with his merciless professor who promised to fail him if he did not complete the internship. That whoosh-beat filled his ears. He wanted to find a way to have it all, the gold star for completing his studies abroad, the joy of building his own family, the peace of holding Blue. 

Instead of the write-up on the findings in this week’s excavation sector, Gansey found himself writing a letter of resignation. For the first time in weeks, he felt that tight grip of wrongness slide away. He was going home at last.

***  
He hadn’t slept a wink on the plane, despite the late hour. His six hour flight landed in Washington DC two hours after he left Iceland. What felt like pre-dawn to him was the wee hours of the night to Blue. It didn’t stop him from running for her when he spotted her. It didn’t stop her from pouncing on him the second he was within jumping distance. Right. He breathed her in, absorbed this feeling. Home. Right. Finally. He almost dropped her when he caught the sound of her hiccuping sob. He didn’t want to let her go, but he lowered her to her own feet and swiped at her tears with gentle thumbs. Her dark eyes were luminous with too many emotions. He wouldn’t be surprised if his mirrored her expression. “Blue talk to me.” He begged, as she choked on that wave of feeling.

She buried her face in his chest. “You’re here.” she clung to him, repeating over and over.

Gansey tightened his embrace. “I promised I would come home,” he told her fiercely. He kissed the crown of her head where her colorful clips tugged her short hair into a dark mess. “For good.” he added, his words drawing her eyes back to his sharply.

“You mean-?” she couldn’t let herself finish the wish. Her hope devastated him.

“I’m not going back, Blue. I’m home.” He promised. “I’m staying.” 

She grinned at him, a watery smile full of relief and love. “Gansey.”

“Blue.” Gansey breathed back, giddiness filling him. “And baby! How are you doing? Let me see you.” He pulled away to inspect his other half. Beneath the navy pea coat she’d attacked with colorful embroidery he recognized the vivid orange of one of his own shirts loosely covering her slight frame. She’d paired the top with sensible with leggings and flats. Intellectually he’d known she wouldn’t look it yet, but he couldn’t help the disappointment that he couldn’t yet see significant evidence of his child growing within her. He pulled her close again and kissed her deeply. “Beautiful.” He breathed against her lips, smiling. He enjoyed the way she blushed at his compliment far more than the evidence of her tears still clinging to her red eyes. He kissed her again, just because he could. 

“Charming.” Blue laughed sardonically, but there was nothing but affection in her tone. “Welcome home.” 

Gansey couldn’t stop the goofy grin that split his face. “You look tired. Let me drive tonight?” Tired wasn’t quite the right word he decided, watching her nod and agree to this suggestion. Not exhausted, but weary he decided. Blue was exceptional at pushing aside her own discomforts to prioritize action, whether by breeding or necessity of her upbringing, so Gansey knew then that she’d undersold the strain she’d been under these months. He wrapped an arm around her and gently steered them toward the correct baggage claim carousel. “Tell me the truth, now that I’m here.”

Blue grumbled at his prodding but slowly opened up. “The nausea isn’t bad, just sudden.” She admitted. “And random. Completely unpredictable. And even though I’m fine with something now, in an hour that same something might trigger it. If I sip the ginger tea Mom sent, it’s less sneaky but...” she hesitated, “don’t be surprised if I ruin Thanksgiving dinner.”

“Not a soul would hold it against you.” Gansey comforted. “I expect they’ll be thrilled at the news, really.” Blue remained quiet and contemplative at his side as they waited for his luggage. “Father will probably set up an education trust as soon as the banks open. Mother will want to set up a nursery room right away. Helen will insist on planning a baby shower.” Gansey prattled.

“Henry already called dibs on shower planning.” Blue cut in. “But I wouldn’t be surprised if they manage to team up.”

Gansey shuddered at the thought. “Those two would be dangerous together. We can’t let that happen.”

Blue’s laugh was unconcerned. “Those two would be able to take over the world if they actually tried to team up.”

“Exactly.” Gansey urged. “It’s bad enough dealing with my sister’s superiority complex. I don’t need that paired with Henry’s total disregard for comfort zones.”

Blue did not think Henry had a total disregard for comfort zones. Henry had no problem punching past comfort zones when his ambitions called for it. “At least he uses his powers for good.” Blue defended.

Gansey replied with an emphatic “I know but Helen is not so honorable. She would corrupt our good man and then where will we be?”

“I think you’re more worried about Henry getting his hands on your baby pictures.” Blue teased mercilessly. 

Gansey couldn’t hide his grimace at the thought of Henry getting blackmail material or Helen learning exactly what she held that could blackmail him. He was saved when his suitcase rumbled off the conveyor. He swept up purposefully to grab it. Then turned back to Blue. “Ready to roll out.”

“That’s all?” She asked. “You left with more.”

“I shipped the rest to the apartment. I want to buy a house.” Gansey continued briskly, expecting resistance. “I’ve already set up to meet with a realtor after the holiday.”

“Gansey-” Blue started, already tired of this argument. She hated how money didn’t matter to him but how it always would to her. It wasn’t even really about the money anymore, but how his lack of care for money mirrored his lack of care for himself and his own worth. When the price asked was his very life, he’d paid it like any other debt he owed. She’d never been able to articulate to him exactly why but, Blue refused to make it that easy for him ever again, with money or treasures more valuable.

Then she thought about what a house would mean for them. Stability. Constancy. Permanence. Gansey wanted to put down roots. He wanted to build a life, not throw it away. “That actually sounds really nice.” she admitted, earning an ear-splitting smile from her boyfriend. She’d quibble the budget with him after the holidays she promised, warmed when his grin did not diminish. They were in the concrete parking building now and Blue directed them to Gansey’s SUV which she’d driven here. She offered the keys to him and moved to the passenger side while he loaded the back with his luggage.

“I’m feeling peckish. Want to grab a bite before we leave D.C. for Henrietta?” Gansey asked as he adjusted the seat and mirrors to accommodate him instead of Blue in the driver’s seat. He’d read that eating small but frequent meals helped assuage morning sickness and Blue looked a bit peaky. She had pulled a thermos out from the console and sipped it with intense concentration. He assumed it was the tea from Fox Way. “Or is it better to avoid eating when you’re nauseated?”

“I’ll probably fall asleep before you make it out of the airport.” Blue confessed drowsily, recapping her thermos. He looked at her worriedly. “I’ll be fine, Gansey.” She reassured. “I’m really glad you’re home now.”

“Whatever you need, Blue, just say the word.” Gansey offered, feeling guilty all over again about his months away. It had taken a deeper toll on Blue than he’d wanted to believe.

She smiled at him. “Home.” She murmured, curling up in her seat and closing her eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost: Thanks for reading! Any questions, comments, or compliments are most appreciated. :D
> 
> Secondly: This would not have happened without the encouragement, assistance, inspiration and general best friendery of Her Royal Highness Just Erin. Thank you Erin, this is entirely for you because you give me the best stories to read!
> 
> Just FYI: This story is an exercise in completing goals for me more than a writing exercise. That means posting by my deadlines is the TOP priority to me, writing quality/consistency secondary. The quality of the writing/length of chapters/etc. may vary wildly (I have no idea as I haven't written them yet), but I've planned to have about 7 chapters (maybe more). That all important deadline to post by day will be the first Friday of the month. That being said, this is also not the only story I'm working on right now, so at least for now, next chapter of this should be ready June 2. That's the plan anyways.


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